Dear Abby,

I have this friend "Chuck". The problem is he's cool and well, I'm not. Everything is right for "Chuck". He can afford to dress well, drives an Alfa Romeo and wears Aqua Velva. I have been living under his superior shadow for too long and I feel our friendship is suffering for it. What can I do? Should I steal his car or burn his clothes? Is that okay for a friend to do?

"Uncool" in Maine


Dear "Uncool Loser",

It sounds like you and your friend have deeper issues than clothes and cars. If your friend does not seem to be giving you encouragement, you may consider placing an ad in a Bulgarian newspaper for singles. I hear that Bulgarian young people are interested in learning English by making young American friends that they can encourage and uplift with passages from missing books of the Bible.

You don't sound like you have many friends and are relying on one person for the sole social needs in your life, To have more friends who LIKE you, you must make more friends like YOU! Seek friends that are similar to you. There are lots of other losers around. In America they all hang out at Carl's Jr. There are local Carl's Jr.s in many communities and there is probably one in yours.

So, have a burger and meet a friend!

Good Luck!


written by Byron KH Siemsen

contact Byron Siemsen at